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SOUNDING OUT:
Heirs Together in the Grace of Life (By Robert N. Darnell)
God uses the relationship that Jesus Christ had with the church of Israel as an example of how a husband should love his wife. This figure of speech has great effectiveness in defining the grace with which a husband is to love.
Ephesians 5:25:
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave [paradidomi, to surrender, yield up, intrust] himself for it;
Jesus Christ so loved the church that he was willing to surrender himself for it; not only in the sacrifice of his day-to-day activity but when it became necessary, his very life. He did this so that he could deliver the message of salvation to Israel. He taught and acted according to God's instruction to help the church of Israel return to a harmonious relationship with his Father. He was completely committed to doing God's will but he was not bound by convention in his methods of service to his bride. He did what was necessary to get his point across, always expecting success, because God had promised he would succeed. God's promise that men can succeed as husbands is just as sure.
The essence of the love that a man is to have for his wife, the love as defined in the word agapeō is recorded in John 3:16.
John 3:16:
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Simply stated, a husband is to so love his wife that under any condition he is willing to give his life for her. This love embraces his day-to-day activity and, if it becomes necessary, his very life. Any questions? I can see a bunch of you "submit" fans looking kind of nervous out there. It's kind of like, "There's a whole lot more to being a farmer than just E I, E I, O." Well, there's a whole lot more to being married than just hupotassō. Men are required to surrender.
Charles Swindoll says, "The wife is told to love her husband so much that she lives for him, but the husband is told to love his wife so much he would die for her." How many of you women out there would have trouble respecting a man who lived with such courage and nobility that he would lay down his life for you? That would be total grace wouldn't it? None of us were so worthy that we deserved the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made. But because of God's grace, he made it. A husband is to love with grace as his standard.”
Romans 8:32:
He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
If a husband so loves his wife that she knows that he is giving himself for her she does not wonder whether he will perform all the duties of a husband. Once he has demonstrated his commitment to her in surrendering his time and attention as Christ did for Israel he can expect that she will recognize that she is a wife who is loved and cared for and cherished. This kind of marriage is astounding in the world. People cannot help but notice and wonder and those who hunger will ask "why". A marriage based on grace is one of the most irresistible proclamations of God's goodness. Remember:
Ephesians 5:27:
That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
The wife can say to herself, "With this man I can live my life in peace and the wolf won't be breaking down the door every day." Husbands have Jesus Christ's example of selflessness and humility to God's instruction as the very core of behavior toward our wives. A husband must submit his will to the instruction of truth placing truth above his own desires and whims to the end that he acts accordingly. Specific instruction and specific behavior yields specific results.
Colossians 3:19:
Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter (sarcastic or cutting) against them.
Cutting sarcasm is one thing that God specifically has us avoid as husbands. So what if your wife does not understand the cosmic significance of the infield fly rule? Or the great enlightened knowledge of the shotgun formation. Maybe she can't give you a simple explanation of the rules of hockey [of course, even hockey players don't understand the rules of hockey]. But her opinions and insights are second only to God's in importance in your life. Through the years when Constance and I have gone through difficult experiences together she has looked me in the eye and said four words, "You can do this." Those words put steel in my spine and help me to accomplish the things God would have us to do.
To truly love your wife you must surrender the notion that everything in life is contained in your perception. You must relinquish your insistence on being right all the time.
Proverbs 12:15:
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.
Remember, God custom made men and women for one another. We were designed uniquely and specifically to fit together for the work of dressing and keeping and replenishing the earth. All the tasks necessary to live life in God's instructions can be accomplished by men and women. Your wife's encouragement and counsel and comfort and prayers can be the most dynamic catalyst to your success.
- Esther counseled Ahasuerus over dinner about what he should look out for. He listened and wrought justice, preserving the Christ line.
- Do you think Noah's wife encouraged Noah when she rolled him out of bed to work on that big boat? It got built.
- Sara probably said a prayer before calling to Abraham, "Come to bed honey!" He listened.
- I'll bet Mary said to Joseph, "Don't be so hard on the boy, he's different, give him a break!"
Back in 1957 my Daddy listened to my Mama and saved the circus. A riot of music filled the evening air. The smells of sawdust, exotic manure, and hundreds of people combined in the August night. The lighted midway illuminated faces full of anticipation. An important cultural experience was taking place; Clyde Beatty's circus had come to town.
My six-year-old, cotton-candy-covered hand gripped Daddy's thumb, just in case. Daddy had promised that this time there would be no garishly painted clown bending down so closely I could have snatched the nasty red nose from his grinning face. And this time, when the man in the cannon was exploded into the countryside so violently that he seemed to disintegrate we would not be standing near enough to be scorched and deafened by the blast or grieved by the sight. Daddy promised that this time the circus would be fun.
So far, he had been right. Our young family ambled down the grassy midway with "talkers" barking invitations to view the fire-eating man, the sword swallower, the geeks, the strongman, the bearded lady and the dog-faced boy. A fascinating stew of freaks and liars had been assembled for our entertainment. So far, the clowns were keeping their distance…
Behind us, a woman screamed and drew me rudely alert. An enormous black stallion, "The Great Goliath" had escaped his trainers. The gigantic equine (over six cubits and a span) was riderless. One wild eye struck me with panicked lightening and the other was covered by his feathered headdress, madly askew. Far across the midway men waved their arms impotently toward their famous headliner, "Goliath, the beast from Gath" who was noted for his size and mathematical prowess. He bore down on us with steam, intimidation and threats flying.
The community leaned back as one. Undaunted, Daddy and Mama did not. The runaway made Mama uncomfortable. She said, "Charlie, get that horse." The farmer turned bomber pilot ran forward. He moved, arms raised with a calming, "Whoa boy, whoa." The defiant stallion recognized a champion. His destructive pace slowed one click. Daddy grabbed the "Philistine's" brass halter with practiced hands.
Goliath reared and neighed. The earth trembled with the struggle. Daddy held on and flew into the air. Mama had made the cause clear to him so Daddy gave himself to the task at hand. The animal had threatened family and community and by one or many it would be subdued. A collective gasp came from the crowd as Daddy and the horse rose. One man doing the right thing overcame calamity again. As it is written: there is no restraint to the LORD to save by many or by few.
"Isn't he brave?" crowed Mama, loving the circus. Unruffled, as if commotion and danger were just a normal part of life. She trusted her man with proper instruction would settle this commotion.
Daddy and Goliath descended. The plow-boy had subdued the giant. Men in blue tights arrived with their whips and took charge of their wayward steed. Daddy eyed them and grunted. He gave Goliath's withers a reassuring pat and returned to us like the shepherd holding the conquered Philistine's sword. He smelled of animal fear and the courage required to restore the peace.
"My hero!" smiled Mama. She took his arm and we continued along the midway. I, like Israel, strolled out of the vanquished giant's shadow.
Later, we saw Clyde Beatty snapping and parrying his savage lions into momentary submission. I watched confidently, trusting that my Daddy could twitch a lion, too.
The man in blue tights barked out commands and the Great Goliath pawed out algebra. As the show was ending he rode past in a fabulous display of equestrian grandeur and saluted my Mother and Father. Daddy nodded. The breath caught in my throat as I thought fondly, "Daddy and Mama kept their promise, the circus really was fun."
1 Peter 3:7:
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, [gnosis,,gained by experience] giving honour [value, dignity] unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs [joint heirs] together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
A husband surrenders himself in service to her need beginning with physical strength, knowing that she is not a man but a woman. He dwells with her in this knowledge so that she can become a vessel that contributes to his usefulness as a man. When the man and the woman are fulfilling their responsibilities before God the marriage relationship is seemingly effortless. Prayer and worship is the first priority of husbands and wives. We are to love God and keep His commandments, then we decorate the livingroom.
Matthew 18:19,20:
Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.
20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
That's where I want Jesus Christ, right in the middle of my marriage. It is his example that I am to follow. It is the grace of God that covers me through his sacrifice that makes me worthy of my wife's respect. It is his work that I am to do as a husband, a father, and a provider. It is with my wife, my help meet, my custom designed partner that I am expecting to be able to succeed. Because we agree on things here on earth we can pray according to knowledge and confidently expect an answer.
2 Peter 1:3-4:
According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:
4 Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
God invented us to yearn after Him and He gave us free will so that our relationship with Him could be voluntary. Husbands who love their wives like Christ loved the church can expect their thoughts and aspirations to harmonize. He learns what actions are necessary for her comfort and peace. Rather than imposing his every thought on her, he shares his thoughts with her expecting her to provide validation and commitment or correction and a godly alternative. God's instruction always provides a way of consensus between husbands and wives.
When a man so loves his wife that he gives himself for her, the two of them are in harmony and the circus really can be a lot of fun.
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