Scripture of the Week

2 Timothy 2:2

And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also.

SOUNDING OUT:
Heirs Together in the Grace of Life (Keeping Your Lifetime Commitment by Constance Darnell)

   God designed marriage to be the best and most beautiful circumstance for a man and a woman.  If the Word of God truly contains all things that pertain to life and godliness, then it contains help and examples to direct us through the second most solemn and important commitment we Christians make:  marriage.  The rampant trivializing of the marriage covenant is an affront to Almighty God.

   I want to stop right here and assure you that I know that some of you have been divorced.  The information that I am about to share with you is not intended to put you into condemnation, but rather, this is a teaching that is intended to free you to be the man or woman that God has called you to be.

Hebrews 13:4a:
Marriage is honourable in all, [valuable in every way] and the bed undefiled [sex is pure]:… 

   The commitment of marriage must be entered into thoughtfully and carefully.  Our contemporary culture has minimized and narrowed the marriage commitment to the point that it is almost unrecognizable.

What it is not:

• Marriage is not simply a convention to be adopted.  In our culture, many people view marriage as an interesting human experience but not a divine promise.  If marriage is a human contrivance, then humans may dissolve it on any occasion they choose.
• Marriage is not a consequence to be absorbed by legalizing a couple's mating habits.  This approach flips God's divine plan.
• Marriage is not an annual renewable contract between free agents.  Right now in the United States, the divorce statistics state that one in three marriages fail.
• Marriage is certainly not a trap to be avoided.

   There I was, walking across the campus of Palmer College of Chiropractic, toward my husband of seven years.  He stood in the distance laughing and joking with a beautiful, six-foot tall blond woman we both admired for her vivacious personality.  My heart was heavy.  A friend had just informed me that yet another of our fellow student couples had decided to end their marriage.  The divorce rate at the college was far above the national average in 1984.  We all knew it was due in large part to the inordinate pressure the students were under.  I was exasperated and grieved by the atmosphere of defeat that was being generated among the married students.  I walked up to my smiling husband and was "polite" to his lovely classmate until she departed.  "So" I snapped, "I suppose the next thing you'll tell me is that you want a divorce too."  My dear husband's smiling face fell.  Holding me by the shoulders, he looked me squarely in the eyes and replied, "Honey, the only way I'm going out of this marriage is feet first on a slab."  An indescribable wave of relief passed over me.  I believe I was delivered in ways I had not even acknowledged as problems before that moment.  It did something wonderful for our marriage when my husband gave me his word that he would not walk out on me when things got tough.

   The first mention of a committed relationship between a man and a woman is in Genesis. 

Genesis 2:18:
And the LORD God said, It is not good [best, most beautiful] that the man should be alone; I will make him an help [er] meet [adaptable, conformable, custom built, complimentary] for him. 

   Then God immediately began bringing giraffes and gorillas to Adam to see what he would call them.  There was a pretty good-looking orangutan, but in the end there was not a helper found who would be the perfect counterpart for Adam.

   This word "helper" has had a lot of different translations over the years. I believe the most functional extended definition of the term I have heard was:  "one who brings out the best in her man by encouragement".  It's not that you don't see your husband's faults.  And, there will always be plenty of people around who like to criticize you, your husband, and your marriage.  However, rather than choosing to be a carnal wife who tries to change her husband by nagging, criticizing, complaining, and dragging him by his nose, a woman who is endeavoring to live up to God's ideal in Genesis chooses, by an act of her will, to emphasize her husband's strengths.  A woman can easily manipulate a man toward her own selfish ends, but the end result is not peace.  There will be times in your married life when you're the only one who remembers his strengths.  A genuine wife speaks of her husband's virtues to herself first, to her husband secondly and finally to their children and anyone else who will listen. In my opinion, it takes a much stronger and smarter woman to choose to bring out the best in her husband by encouragement.

   So God, in verses 21 and 22 made another creature and brought her to Adam to see what he would name her. 

Genesis 2:23:
And Adam said, [Now this is more like it!] This [creature] is now bone of my bones [strength of my strength], and flesh of my flesh [pudenda of my pudenda]: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 

   To the best of what I currently understand, I believe this is the marriage vow that Adam made to his wife before God. 

Genesis 2:24:
Therefore shall a man leave [loosen himself from] his father and his mother, and shall cleave [or weld himself] unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 

   Verse 24 should stand as an encouragement to parents to train their children about marriage while they are still unmarried and obedient.  Once they have made their marriage commitment, your children should be working to loosen themselves from your influence and welding themselves to their spouses.  In many cases this is another "weaning" that has to take place in order for a new marriage to grow and blossom.  Parents can help in this process by treating their grown children as responsible adults.

   I would like to note here that "one flesh" is also translated "one body."  This is a phrase also used of the body of Christ in our administration with Christ at the head.

   This concept of "one flesh" does not happen when a couple gets married.  It does not happen the first time that they make love.  It does not happen when they have a child.  "One flesh" is a present and continual process of the renewed mind.  It becomes apparent over time when a couple begins to work together as a well-oiled machine to accomplish their daily challenges.  When big challenges come up, the husband and wife are already welded together and likeminded in their beliefs and behavior.  Then, when the devil speaks so sweetly into the ear of one mate or the other (as he will) their heart response will be to make the right choice.

   The focus of Proverbs is especially directed to training young people in wisdom.  It is a book of divine rules from heaven for earth.  The section in Proverbs 31:10-31 begins with the figure of speech Erotesis.  "Who can find a virtuous woman?"  This is a rhetorical question asked to emphasize the importance of the section.  The word virtuous is the Hebrew word chayil which means valiant, like an army.  Womanhood on God's terms is not for wimps.  Look at Deborah.  She was a leader, a prophetess, a wife and a judge.  She even had her own palm tree where she did her judging.  Deborah said, "Up Barak!" and the warrior Barak got up and fought against Sisera, the enemy of Israel.  Then there was Jael, a woman who put a spike through Sisera's head that same day.  How about Ruth?  She was a Moabitess who married into Naomi's family.  All the men died and Mother-in-law Naomi sent her daughters-in-law back to their homes.  Orpah went home to her mother but Ruth said, "… Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me".  That was a powerful commitment and she meant every word.  Ruth was walking into certain poverty in Judah with her embittered mother-in-law.  Did she crater?  NO!  Ruth went to work as a gleaner for Boaz.  She ended up marrying the boss who just happened to be her kinsman redeemer.  They had a baby named Obed, he had a baby named Jesse, who had a baby named King David.  Further on in the listing of the Christ line in chapter one of Matthew we find Mary, a teenager who said, "Be it unto me according to thy word."  What about Hannah, and Abigail, Huldah, Esther, Elizabeth, Anna, Mary Magdalene, Priscilla, Lydia, and Phoebe?  These were valiant, scintillating women who were not afraid to engrave God's Word upon the tables of their hearts and then move out across the cultural mores of their times to the greater glory of God Almighty. 

Proverbs 31:11-12:
The heart of her husband doth safely trust [takes refuge] in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil [booty!].  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 

   When a husband makes a lifetime commitment to his wife he should then be able to share his deepest thoughts and dreams and aspirations with her.  He should be able to trust her with every wild goal and every starry-eyed vision knowing that his custom-designed helper will never ridicule him or expose his weakness to others.  A man figuratively places his heart in her hands for life.  The wife has great power over that defenseless heart.  She can squeeze it and twist it and stomp it underfoot if she chooses.  When this happens, she still gets to keep the heart, sometimes for many years.  But, the heart she holds will be shriveled and hardened.  It ends up in the "junk drawer" of her mind.

   When your husband walks in tired and sad at the end of a hard day, he needs you to talk to his heart.  When he tells you, "I have a headache," "The boss yelled at me," or "I lost a big account today" what he's really saying is, "Please talk to my heart."  If his heart is in your "junk drawer" you'll put your hands on your hips and say, "Hmmm, now where did I put that old thing?"  If you've been married five, ten or twenty years and your husband is still a jerk, what have you been saying to his heart? 

Proverbs 14:1:
Every wise woman buildeth her house [edifies her family]: but the foolish plucketh it down [utterly destroys it] with her hands [the open hands of that woman's power have been misdirected]. 

   When you pluck down your own house, your husband becomes less and less of the man God called him to be.  Talk to the heart!  That heart is the one piece of personal property that every divorced man finally gets back.  The wife's other choice is to speak the truth in love to that heart.  "Honey, you're so smart.  I love those muscles!  You have the most beautiful eyes.  Remember the time you did something right?  I'm proud of you."  Wives, if you have never done this or if it has been a long time since you practiced this, remember something good that your husband has done and tell him about it.  "Oh," you may say, "my husband doesn't need all that stuff, he knows I appreciate him."  Not if you haven't told him today, he doesn't.

   First I told you what you should say.  Now let's go to what NOT to say. 

1 Peter 3:1:
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the [a] word be won by the conversation of the wives; 

   During the second year of our marriage, my husband and I had a problem…It wasn't a huge problem but it was a daily challenge to my heart.  I was running early one morning and pouring my heart out to the Father.  A quiet thought crept into my mind, "Don't nag Bob, nag God. He'll listen to God."  The results were remarkable.  Within a week my husband had decided that he would overcome his weakness and had figured out a way to do it.  All by himself!  What a great idea!  Remember: 

Philippians 4:8:
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. 

   Here's the "grace" part.  No matter what condition that little heart was in when you got it, and no matter how withered and hardened it has become with years of neglect and abuse, watch it bloom and enlarge and produce great fruit in the life of your husband, your family and your community. 

   Life is sweet. It's a gift from God.  It's grace.  It is to be enjoyed and appreciated not just endured with your spouse.

   As I Peter 3:7 says, a husband and wife are "heirs together in the grace of life."